Archive for March, 2013

Interview with The Clapp

Posted: March 25, 2013 by FEMA help in FEMA

Q:Where are you from?
A: Where i come from.. Lets call it “Hells Front Desk”

Q:What did you do before the apocalypse?
A: Whats up with the light in my face?..

Q:Can you tell me about the first zombie you ran into?
A: It was a loose woman named Ethel…

Q:How did you survive in the early stages?
A: Two words.. Bear poop..

Q:What kind of background/skills do you bring?
A:My hands are like Chuck Norris’ tears, they heal.. To bad i dont use them…

Q:How did you hear about FEMA?
A: I was stalking this cute red haired woman.. Pinkerton was her name.. I stumbled through the door and wasnt allowed to leave..

Q:What other safe-houses have you been a part of?
A: I started Dead Hooker Emporium, then i helped build CSP, I then built Sunny Acres before it was brought down by a bad seed..there was Dead Hooker Disposal and Mama Ethels Whorpse Shack and The Ministry of Scientrollogy….. Want me to go on?

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Interview with Pinkertonb5

Posted: March 18, 2013 by FEMA help in FEMA

Q:Where are you from?

A:Denton, TX.

Q:What did you do before the apocalypse?

A:HR lady/adjunct professor.

Q:Can you tell me about the first zombie you ran into?

A:All i remember about that first zombie is that Furie made me kill it…with my fists, boots and a kitchen knife.

Q:How did you survive in the early stages?

A:Not sure, probably should have died. I guess I’m lucky.

Q:What kind of background/skills do you bring?

A:I’m pretty good with a compound bow.

Q:How did you hear about FEMA?

A:I live down the road from FEMA.

Q:What other safe-houses have you been a part of?

A:This is my first and only SH. I’m a lifer, though I do enjoy a nice vacation once in a while.

Interview with Frost

Posted: March 11, 2013 by FEMA help in FEMA

Q:Where are you from?
A:I’m from Los Angeles, California. Parents were born in Cuba.

Q:What did you do before the apocalypse?
A: What I did before the apocalypse? I was in the us army (platoon sergeant).

Q:Can you tell me about the first zombie you ran into?
A:First zombie I ran into was by complete surprise. The bastard looked all decomposed and tried to bite me in the face. So I punched him in the face which knocked him back and sliced his head clean off with a kitana sword that was off to my left.

Q:How did you survive in the early stages?
A: I survived the early stages by sticking to my own. Hunker down in places where it was off the ground (cuz they can’t climb) and just move from place to place during the day.

Q:What kind of background/skills do you bring?
A:The skills I bring are trained by us army special forces, expert marksman with assault rifles, sniper rifles and pistols. Expert in hand to hand combat, extensive training stealth and undercover operations. Pathfinder and tracking abilities and kick ass/charming attitude

Q:How did you hear about FEMA?
A:I heard about FEMA cuz a young beautiful woman named ratoncita Perez seduced me over to FEMA (haha.)

Q:What other safe-houses have you been a part of?
A: last safe house I was in was Jade Garden.

Interview with Grisly Adams

Posted: March 4, 2013 by FEMA help in FEMA

Q: Where are you from?
🔥002 cemetery lane. Next door to my brother, Gomez

Q:What did you do before the apocalypse?
🔥I’m not allowed to say. I can divulge that it was not safe.

Q: Tell me about the first zombie you ran into?
🔥This was years before the first major outbreak. His name was Gerald and he was my manservant for ages. Good cup of tea.

Q:How did you survive in the early stages?
🔥The Addams’ are fairly self sustaining. As far as I know they’re still doing fine. We all fence and have cannons and things.

Q:What kind of background/skills do you bring?
🔥 My maids have traditionally been ninja because I don’t like to feel bad watching someone else clean up after me. I know a bit about how to dispose of bodies. Helpful, right?!

Q:How did you hear about FEMA?
🔥Crystal ball

Q:What other safe-houses have you been a part of?
🔥First one. Don’t contradict a crystal ball.

Interviewer notes: subject maintained a serious attitude throughout the interview and gave no indication that he was kidding.

We need to watch this one.